The Long Reach

I found this quote at the beginning of one of my journals from 1979, attributed to George Duke.

“Life is one long reach for self and relationship.”

I chose love and relationships as guides along my life path when I was 20; I have been faithful to that reach these 33 years. I’ve formed every genre of relationship with all manner of folk: BFFs; friends I occasionally have sex with; friends I never want to have sex with but with whom I am just as honest (maybe more so). Some strangers I've had sex with knowing we will never be friends; some lovers I know, once the romance has passed, will be touchstones throughout my life. Most of the people I meet I will never see again, but we share small truths  - at a party, next to each other at the bar, in line for the restroom – as if it matters.

Not a few of these are soul mates, whether we cross paths many times or only once. We attract each other to learn something, to see ourselves reflected in each other, to be reminded of an insight that has been doused and needs a spark to reignite. Some I can love and release, drifting happily into their orbit now and again. With others, I'm powerless against the gravitational pull of their company, acceptance, affection.

Lying in bed with my pets curled next to me on either side, it occurs to me that their personality types make good analogies for me and my newest relationship - or my Accidental Divine Spark, as I prefer to call him.

He’s the cat. One minute he’s sweet and soft, rubbing up against me, purring in my ear, kissing me, nudging my chin. The next he’s biting me a bit too rough, pushing me away with his back feet while he’s grabbing for me with his front claws. Then he’s elusive, ignoring me, my existence forgotten. When he catches sight of me again, he’ll saunter over for a scratch on the belly, meowing, “Oh yeah. I remember you. You’re that girl I like who treats me so nice." When I call him to me, he'll flick his tail and sprawl out on the floor, just out of reach, eyeing me with detachment. Shrug him off, and here he comes, installing himself across my chest and nuzzling so close I get hair in my mouth.

I’m the dog. The dog never wants to leave my side. If I suggest we go out for a walk, he will lazily roll over, indicating he’d rather just lie there in the warm sphere of my attention. He will gladly gaze lovingly into my eyes for hours, or lie in the crook of my arm in an altered state of euphoria, occasionally stealing a kiss if I turn my head his way. The dog is greedy and selfish with my affection, nudging my hand to keep me stroking him and chasing away his brother (the cat) if he dares come near. He is incapable of deceit, unable to conceal his joy at our reunion after any time apart. When I try to shoo the dog out the door to do his business, he looks forlornly over his shoulder at me several times before resigning himself to his obligations. When I call, he’s back in my arms in a heartbeat.

Love is a Mystery

Love is such a mystery. It has so many personalities, it's schizophrenic. Joni sang, "love is touching souls." That touch, however, can be a tap or a slap, a caress or a knee to the groin. Love can be tender, easy and warm. It can be fierce and fiery. It can be selflessly generous. It can be insatiably greedy. Love can feel like a long-lost friend, or like a kick in the gut. And it can feel like all those things in turn.

It's fascinating how, with one person, it can take years to build a foundation of trust and loyalty, and with another, a few hours of intimacy can leave you wanting to tell them your darkest secrets. It's usually who you least expect, too. A guy who escaped notice one day is suddenly on your mind so much that you can't focus on anything else. Another guy who has been a good friend, confidante and lover gets taken for granted.

I've had the privilege of sharing time with a group of art students in their Vonnegut and Kerouac years, which has ignited this spark of reflection. They are at the edge of that precipice with the bulk of their lives open and ripe with potential before them. It is inspiring and unsettling to me simultaneously.

When I was about their age, I realized that love and relationships were my raison d'etre. It was 1980 and I was 20, in full existential angst mode, believing that life in capitalist America was meaningless. I was such a downer to be with that my group of friends dumped me. They told me they could no longer tolerate my gloomy company. I do remember it as a turning point in my life, one that would shape me from then on. I don't remember how long it took me to come to the resolution, but I can remember where I was.

It was during my second or third year at Wazzu (those years are a blur and do not run in chronological order in my memory -- maybe none of my life does). I was living in a language community called The French House. It was a typical campus four-square, white with a big front porch, lots of bedrooms and a large dining room where about 8 or 10 of us shared meals and company.  My room was on the second floor, with its window looking into the branches of a big  maple tree and the street beyond. I often crawled out that window to sit on the roof and write in my journal or daydream or stew. Across the street was a frat house, from which I first heard Meat Loaf's "Love by the Dashboard Light" blasting from 4ft speakers propped in a window on an early spring day.

One of the residents was a gentle dancing hippie with a slight frame named Brian who sang me David Bowie songs and read me poetry. He lived in the small porch-cum-bedroom at the back of  the house. My bed was pushed up against the window, where we spent many hours there reading and talking and making love. But I digress . . . Brian has nothing to do with this story, just a fond memory.

I was having deep conversations with myself about the meaning of life and the nature of death and the evils of money. I contemplated suicide, but I think I was too non-committal to really be serious about it. Along with Kerouac and Vonnegut, I devoured the complete works of Anaiis Nin, Henry Miller and Tom Robbins.

Reviewing my journals from that time is cracking me up! Where did I get all those pithy quotes, written in calligraphy, like this one from Richard Shelton: "We who care most, who are most ruthless, go for the heart." I was always quoting romantic or lusty poems or lyrics, and writing poems about emotions and relationships. I wrote several "odes" like "Ode to the real" and "Ode to the 19-yr-old." Here's a poem called "Speaking to my heart."

When night trips and 

falls

flat on its black leaden behind

and you can no longer distinguish

the wide grin of the horizon

mocking your very existence,

I search for the words to

express what I'm feeling and,

as usual,

the words knee the emotions

right in their 

bulging crotch;

My throbbing feelings lie assaulted

behind the 

concrete structure 

of a sentence.

Like reaching out into the 

darkness

to touch something 

I can't see,

I grab for a hand, 

a heart, anything

to wrap my

forlorn fist around

to let me feel myself, that I am truly real.

As I stand in the darkness 

alone,

the noise of wind and traffic

ripping past my chilled

Spanada ears, [WTF??!!]

I know myself,

I know I

Am

and that I am part of everything that is around me.

And still I feel

unfulfilled.

My existence seems only

partially complete, as if

a body walks with no legs, or 

a heart loves with only one ventricle.

And I will reach even for the 

dimmest star to find

what is missing

in my heart.

And should my heart be still 

unsatisfied,

then I will give up.

So melodramatic! But after a while I thought, shit or get off the pot. I can kill myself, or can find a reason to live.

I chose life and love. Duh.

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Pain Management Infographic for Lyme Times

The burden of Lyme disease

Pioneer Press

Posted:   05/28/2012 12:01:00 AM CDT

The recent JPMorgan multi-billion-dollar trading loss (estimates are nearing $6 billion) has been blamed -- somewhat jokingly -- on Lyme disease. The chief investment officer, Ina Drew, responsible for oversight of the hedged bet that went bad, was ill, unfocused and unable to perform effectively.

I have yet to read a report that implies any sympathy for the health and financial burden shouldered by Drew and thousands like her who have Lyme disease in the United States today.

Lyme disease affects at least 250,000 Americans, as reported to the Centers for Disease Control, which estimates that the true number is likely about 10 times greater. It's easy to find horrifying stories about how Lyme disease devastated somebody's life; in many cases whole families are infected. It's more difficult to know the current monetary costs of Lyme. A 1998 CDC study of patients with Lyme disease found these yearly cost averages: neurologic Lyme disease, $61,243; Lyme with cardiac involvement, $6,845; and Lyme with arthritic involvement, $34,354.

The data are old, but consider this: Lyme disease is under-reported; reported cases have risen by 180 percent in Minnesota in the past decade; medical costs have also risen sharply; and insurance companies commonly deny claims for treatment after the first few months. Sure, those sums are laughable to players like JPMorgan. They are anything but a joke to the thousands of sufferers of Lyme disease.

Monique Dubos, Minneapolis

Thanks, LATV

Thanks, LATV (printed April 24)

Monique Dubos

FOREST LAKE — As anyone reading the papers these days is aware, experts are expecting an unprecedented number of ticks this season, bringing with them increased risk of exposure to tick-borne diseases, such as Lyme, babesiosis, and anaplasmosis.

The need for information about prevention and treatment of these potentially devastating illnesses has never been greater. Luckily, Forest Lake’s own LATV has been airing “Lessons in Lyme” each weekend in April to help the public better understand Lyme and how to prevent it from derailing their lives.

“Lessons in Lyme” is a three-part DVD series created by Wyoming native, family practitioner and Lyme educator, Dr. Elizabeth Maloney. Dr. Maloney has also developed continuing education courses on Lyme disease for healthcare practitioners. For more information on Lyme and other tick-borne diseases, visit mnlyme.com.

Editor’s note: Dubos is president & communications coordinator for the Minnesota Lyme Association.

Letter to the Editor in Star Tribune, May 23

U.S. REP. KEITH ELLISON

Contrary to challenger's claim, he's helping poor

In a recent commentary, Chris Fields, the Republican challenger in the Fifth Congressional District, suggested that Democratic U.S. Rep. Keith Ellison isn't working hard enough for Minnesota families, specifically poor families ("North Side needs attentive leadership," May 21). Fields' clever turns of phrase, such as "customized solutions" and "smart, selfless leadership" belie the evidence that Republicans' assault on services relied on by the poor -- and, increasingly, by the middle class -- leave folks to fend for themselves.

Republican cuts in programs for affordable housing, transportation and health care; its attempts to limit voting to a select few (Republican) constituencies, and its attacks on worker and civil rights all have contributed to the erosion of our communities.

Ellison has focused like a laser beam on alleviating the struggles of working-class families since he took office in 2008. Fighting the relentless Republican strategy to scuttle the American Dream, he has authored or supported bills to create jobs; protect homeowners, workers and consumers, and rebuild crumbling roads and bridges. To help pay for these, Ellison is asking the rich to invest in our collective prosperity by paying the same percentage in taxes as the rest of us do.

"Everybody counts, everybody matters" -- Ellison's motto -- describes his commitment to the American values of fairness and inclusion. Yes, it is that simple.

MONIQUE DUBOS, MINNEAPOLIS

May is Lyme Disease Awareness Month

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE – May 17, 2012

Contact: Monique Dubos                                                                                                             

612-788-5000 (for media contact only)

mosassy@gmail.com

###

May is Lyme Disease Awareness Month, proclaims Governor Dayton. 

Minnesota Lyme Association advances awareness of Lyme disease through many initiatives.

For the General Public, MLA

·         Hosts monthly meetings to support, educate and engage the public on issues related to Lyme and tick-borne diseases. All are welcome to these free sessions, held the second Tuesday of the month. Visit www.mnlyme.comfor details.

·         Accepts invitations to educate groups about Lyme. Contact MLA at lyme@mnlyme.com to discuss options for a presentation.

·         Provides educational materials with community organizations throughout the state. We offer brochures with detailed information about Lyme disease in Minnesota and much more. Visit www.mnlyme.com to download or request a mailing.

·         Donates a 3-DVD series Lessons in Lyme, created by MLA medical advisor, Dr. Elizabeth Maloney, for screening on public access stations. Learn how your local cable station can partner with MLA to screen this essential Lyme series at www.mnlyme.com.

For Healthcare Professionals, MLA

·         Offers scholarships for doctors to attend intensive training on the diagnosis and treatment  of Lyme disease.  Check out the details at www.mnlyme.com.

·         Facilitates an understanding of Lyme disease by healthcare professionals. MLA promotes accredited continuing education courses for physicians developed by MLA medical advisor, Dr. Elizabeth Maloney.  Her current 4.0 CME course discussing the science of Lyme disease through a series of clinical cases will be presented twice in June. For more information and to register, go to www.mnlyme.com. MLA also sponsors continuing education courses on Lyme disease developed by Dr. Maloney for nurses.

###

Horizontal, Not Lying Down

This article really hits home.

Your Career Needs to Be Horizontal

Especially this thought, toward the bottom of the article: "Given the hierarchical structures of most organizations, we will still have upward career paths. More and more however, the real contributors will be the process owners and project leaders that are able to provide horizontal leadership. To support this shift, organizations will need to reward and recognize horizontal contributions as much, if not more, than hierarchical positions."

I've spent all lot of energy over the past 6 years working to increase the recognition of my and my colleagues' (who share my job title) contributions to our organization. Because of the hierarchical nature of the organization, it has been a challenge 'changing hearts and minds' . . but it has paid off. This year I've managed a few projects I wouldn't have been trusted with a few years ago!

One of these projects was the Live Green Film Festival. I created the promos and brought together 10 partners from different departments around the University. Here's a recap of the event:

The first annual HRL-sponsored sustainability film festival was held on March 24^th in the beautiful Science Teaching and Student Services building.

Three captivating documentaries were shown: "Tapped," which examines the privatization of public water systems by the powerful bottled water industry; "Fresh," about alternatives to our wasteful and unhealthy food production system; and "Mother Nature's Child", which discusses the barriers to outdoor activity amongst urban youth and the benefits to raising children with an appreciation and a sense of stewardship for the environment.

We were priviledge to have many on-campus partners involved with the event, hosting resource tables and facilitating discussions, with the goal of presenting opportunities for involvement in campus and community programs addressing the issues brought up in the films. Our partners were:

• IonE - River Life + National Park Service River Rangers
• Minnesota Public Interest Research Group
• The Women’s Center
• University Recycling Center
• Minnesota Institute for Sustainable Agriculture
• The U of MN School of Public Health
• University Dining Services
• U Students Like Good Food
• Center for Outdoor Adventure
• Institute for Child Development
• The Shirley Moore Lab School

Given the unseasonably warm and sunny weather, attendance was good and participants remarked that the event was “totally worth attending.”

The second project was the Live Green Newsletter that I edited and then formatted in Google sites. I started by trying to get it uploaded on our department's website, but that was a clunky and frustrating endeavor, requiring me to go through two other people for approvals and have one of them upload all images. Google sites is not a perfect format, but gave me much more autonomy and took a quarter of the time to complete. The format is not ideal - I would like to have had all the article titles in the main body instead of in the nav bar - but the nav bar allows the reader to jump to any article from anywhere in the newsletter. Anyway, I may still fiddle with it a bit when I get some time.

Balance

I just noticed that my last blog was posted almost 2 years ago! It's no wonder I haven't found time to blog, what with managing the MLA website, coordinating various projects, facilitating the Facebook page, creating fliers and other literature for the org., phone conferencing, convincing legislators & reporters to take Lyme seriously, etc., etc.,

But I'm back at it, with a new look and lots of catching up to do.

After 2 years serving as MLA's Communications Coordinator, I became president in January. I still do the CC job but now I'm also the guy who has the last word . . . literally!

Still lovin' it, though. Even though it's a slog, the small successes are plenty rewarding. Just this week I heard back from the dean of the med school that he will be looking into what they teach about Lyme and how the school can help Lyme patients. That response came over 4 months after the U president shared a letter of mine, then I wrote to him directly, and then I followed up with an email this week that included some research papers showing persistence of Bb after the "standard" treatment course.

Naturally, there were also frustrations to balance out that happy day (same day, actually). A WSJ reporter had contacted me to find a source to talk about their experience with Lyme and treatment. We spoke at length about the obstacles getting Lyme disease diagnosed and treated. I shared the same research papers with her that I shared with the dean. Not only did she not refer to them in the article, but she didn't bother asking her infectious disease "expert" about them, either. As usual, the article focused on the disagreement rather than the issue, that people are sick and not getting appropriate care.