Insomnia

I haven't been sleeping well for what seems like months. I wake up around 3:00 am, and, realizing I am wide awake, read for a little before trying to go back to sleep. Then, if I can go back to sleep, I often feel worse because I get into that deep dreaming sleep and then have to be yanked out it. Or, I start to fall asleep at around 5:00 am, right around the time the cat starts crying to either get fed or be let outside. It's such torture, too, even though I am getting more reading done, because I am an 8-hour a night girl - otherwise I just don't feel right. It makes it hard to keep up an exercise routine, and when I get home, I just don't want to do anything but sit on the couch and watch t.v. I have tried several things, only herbal, and they do help sometimes. Keep your fingers crossed for me tonight.

Particles of Truth

I watched an intriguing movie this weekend, a little indie written, directed, produced and starring Jennifer Elster. I watched it because I just finished the final season of Queer as Folk, and wanted to see some more of Gale Harold, aka Brian Kinney. It's a really original story, very well-written and acted, and, since I'm still thinking about it days later, I guess it's also memorable, unlike so many other movies these days. Oh, yeah, it was called "Particles of Truth."

Other movies of note viewed recently:

Cowboy del Amor, which was a Netflix recommendation. A documentary about a cowboy cupid who sets up lonely American men with lonely Mexican woman for possible marriage. The guy is a real character, and the movie is a hoot!

Marilyn Hotchiss' Ballroom Dancing and Charm School. Robert Carlysle of Full Monty fame is a grieving widower who finds life and love again at the D&C School. Has a cast chalk full of great actors, like Marissa Tomei (love her, see The Guru, among other things), Cameron Manheim, Donny Wahlberg, John Goodman, Sean Astin and many more great character actors you'll recognize. You'll also learn something about dancing, and the current instructor, Marianne (?) (Mary Steenbergen) Hotchiss, daughter of Marilyn, articulates well the bliss that comes in dancing, something about magenta tones, wish I had written it down.

Everything is Illuminated. I liked the title, and I knew it was a best selling book first, but I was a little turned off when I found out it was yet another story about survivors of nazi brutality, but it turned out to be lovely, a little different than the rest, and well-acted by a mostly unknown cast - except Elijah Wood as the lead.

Mad Hot Ballroom. Saw that one a while ago but still makes me smile thinking about it. Along those same lines - movies with kids I actually liked - was Spellbound. Those are both documentaries, maybe that's why they were tolerable, the kids were real, not overly precocious or adorable.

Mr. and Mrs. Iyer. An Indian movie that was slightly corny (in true Bollywood fashion) but beautifully written and not too preachy.

I love movies with dancing in them, and recently I bought my very own copy of Strictly Ballroom, and Dirty Dancing ("Nobody puts Baby in a corner!") I would also consider buying Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights - great dancing in an otherwise lame movie. I got Brokeback Mountain as soon as it came out on DVD and when mom was here we watched it with subtitles; I have to admit I got some of the dialogue I'd missed the first couple times.

The House Guest

I am feeling very low today. The thought of Bush and his posse getting their hands on Cuba; the likely commission of ballot fraud in the next election; having brought down the world trade centers to create a neo-con revolution, or at the very least, having used the attack to carry out their agenda; the immoral wars in Iraq and Lebanon; the possiblity of journalists and activists being targeted via phone and email tapping and then accused of abetting terrorists so they can be rounded up and thrown into Halliburton's state-side internment camps; the inevitability of rapid climate change and ecosystem failure; the slow rebuilding of poor neighborhoods in disaster zones like the gulf coast; the potential demise of an equal-access Internet; the outright unfairness of life; the return of my hot flashes; and the fact that Americans are so goddamn ignorant to all of this, really makes me want to cry.

I haven't posted lately because I've just not had anything constructive to say. Let's face it, the world is going to hell in a handbasket. But I don't want to get bogged down in the negative completely, I've been working on my own evolution, and keeping my eyes open for opportunities to have a positive effect, I haven't wanted to slog around in the shit that is current affairs and then blog about it.

So, like I said, I am blue this morning, and then this arrived in my inbox, from Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter:


"The Guest House"

by Jelaluddin Rumi,
translated by Coleman Barks in his book *Essential Rumi*


This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.


That really helped (I'm not being sarcastic). I have a different attitude already, and the sun is even coming out! Doesn't it make you feel like singing??