SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Of all the signs in the zodiac, you routinely
enjoy the most interesting problems. No one else can compete with your
talent for dreaming up original sins, either. I expect that in the coming
weeks, you'll once again assert your mastery in these two areas, leaving
the rest of us muttering in amazed awe as we behold the beautiful,
stinking, useful, hellacious, intriguing messes you stir up. Congratulations
in advance for the resourcefulness and courage I know you will summon
from the abyss of your subconscious mind.
I've been on the verge of a breakthrough (or breakdown) for some years now. I am envious of people, women, mostly, who seem to have found - or been tracked down - by their calling in life, like Cindy Sheehan who went from suburban mom minding her own business to anti-war and anti-imperialism activist, or those who chose their profession in college and go on to a successful career, while I continue to feel that my vocation is just beyond reach, like in a dream I'm struggling to awaken from. I'm sleeping, maybe having a bad dream or realizing while I'm dreaming that I should be awake because I'm late for something (usually work!). In my dream I might even be yelling to someone whom I perceive to be outside the dream to help me wake up. I always wake up, of course, often feeling groggy and heavy for the rest of day. I don't want it to take a cataclysmic event to awaken me to my true purpose.
People, friends, who have to endure my whining about my under-achievement, tell me I should "follow my dreams." But I am susceptible to nightmares.
Maybe if I'd joined the Peace Corps like I intended and actually attempted to do at one point? I have made many decisions in my life designed to avoid a conventional life. I expected to have adventure, change, some greater accomplishment than mere contentment and a wide circle (not a circle, more like a polygon) of friends. I'm not depressed, but besides the craving for something more meaningful I am not drawn to any calling in particular. I have many passions but nothing that makes me sacrifice my comfort, time, energy for a greater cause, although I am attracted to people who do this as a matter of course. I tell myself "find meaning in the everyday." I tell myself "make a list of everything you are grateful for and what you have accomplished so far; Concentrate on what you do give to the world." So here's a list thus far (not in any particular order):
- Speak a few languages
- Traveled a lot and seen many countries, which contributes to my overall understanding of the human condition
- Good friend and confidante
- Try to have integrity in all my dealings, personal and professional (although sometimes fall short)
- Try to be honest and tell the truth about myself (unless breaking the law)
- Try to have acceptance and unconditional love for all humans; mostly have success
- Friend to animals
- Don't lie around on the couch so much anymore but still addicted to TV
- Thoughtful gift-giver, taking recipient's tastes into account
- Try not to hurt anyone with my words or deeds, but sometimes that's hard to achieve when you're also trying to be honest
- Good gardener - have beautiful garden
- Pretty good house painter, having painted all the interior walls of my house and currently working on the exterior walls (Benny Moore color "Sweet Orange")
- Pretty good wife - try not be have unreasonable expectations; try not to voice all my pet peeves; try to be nice
- Great student, mostly As; perennial degree-seeker (currently seeking a 3rd), hoping one will lead to my brilliant career
- Fairly competent writer
- Tenacious, like a dog with a bone when there's an important principle at stake; good to have on your side
- Don't hold grudges but also don't forget real easily
- Well-read and informed with variety of literary interests, including wide-range of media
- Share important and/or interesting media I'm reading with friends via email and this blog
- Write letters to the editor and email and phone my reps on issues and votes that matter to our democracy and encourage friends to do the same
- Listen to great music (traditional country, world, Latin, soul, 70s, old school songbooks - not in any particular order)
- Compassionate, unapologetic bleeding heart liberal
- Environmentally responsible, recycling every shred of paper, etc
- Volunteer from time to time
- Give money to good causes, most recently to Women for Women International
- Trying to get a grip on my finances (read: debts) so we can save some and travel more
- Fun party girl (my mom is my hero and role model)
- Worked many different types of jobs which makes me competent at many things
- Enjoy learning for learning's sake: once took fiddle lessons for 5 years even though I was no good
- Have opinions based on emotion and instinct but try to articulate them with educated reason
- Believe in a cosmic consciousness flowing through all living things
- Don't believe in the inevitability of suffering
- Conscientious employee
